found that where i was going there was always a dead end

granted i am pissed
car gone in the middle of the night
i know that i am never going to hear the end of this from my parents
serves as a lesson right?
not so much in disguise
you are not welcomed here
or maybe you needed to stay here to save your own life
i don't know which to think at this point
you realize that people say things they don't mean
and perhaps it is out of my own anger but i am fed up
just so tired and drained
to have invested so much time and energy
so much fucken care
and to get nothing much back
whatever right
Karen move forward with life
you've got to leave this past behind
maybe you came here to find that 3 dollar book in that beautiful library
just to read those lines
"'You don't nee to doubt yourself, V. The world is your oyster , and you, my darling are the pearl. I see great things in your future. You have to trust me on this."
Maybe had I stayed a pearl, and lived in that oyster instead of saying to hell with it
Another obstacle you've got to over come
or maybe just maybe you've got to stop believing that everything happens for a reason and this is all fate
perhaps i am crazier than I believe
I think about it, and I see who goes out of their way to make sure I am okay
and those that just talk
And I am angry about that
Just a street I had been driving on, expecting to get some where
only to arrive and bam dead end and now no car
no destination, at least not unknown
"let's see where the night takes us"
back to no where
I feel I don't know what I feel
but I am at the last straw with this one
I never expected this
Car gone, chapter over?
more than likely yes
"Ma'm, there is a 50% chance we will find your car"
It's material granted, and memories are memories
I'm pissed
but I guess no more of this shit of not knowing where I'm going
because obviously that leads me to dark streets and dead ends

another one of those days

here, I am constantly thinking about writing
Yet not writing
Lately, I've been so inspired
As I drive, listen to music, just my thoughts
I feel so full lately
So here I am writing about writing, hoping something magical appears

Earlier this morning I was thinking about my future, as always
I am always in such a hurry to grow up
Or rather in a hurry to be out on my own, again
I think about it and yeah I've been there already and I came back
I did it on my own accord
So is it really my place to complain so much about it?

Graduate School is right there, waiting for me to hit submit
but do I really want it?
Yes.
Right now?
I am unsure, but in a few months from now, maybe
The feeling comes and goes

I think about it
And I know that I want to push myself into this space/time of pain and loneliness
But that is where I feel the most inspired
and that is where I appreciate life the most

Where I am  at right now DAILY
I go to work, see the same people, do the same thing
Come home, tired and I get caught up with whatever is going on
Why don't I cause a change?
The space isn't mine for me to do so

Or should I make it mine?
Other people tell me and push me to be selfish, and I want to be
and I constantly search for opportunities to be
the doors just keep closing in my face
And all I hear, is "maybe it's not your time yet, be patient"