more unknown destinations

how do you know where you'll go
if you don't know where the roads will take you

some days i just take to the wheel and drive
to see where i will end up and who i will meet

it's better than sitting around and waiting
anxiously locked up behind closed doors

waiting for some stranger to knock
simply to offer a hello

i usually don't like to ask for directions
just so that i can end up lost

maybe if i was lost then you would find me

but how are you suppose to know where to look
if you don't know that i have left

i want to be a little more reckless
cause some havoc

maybe i can pretend that I am interesting
that i am dark and deep

who are you

what happened
did you fall again
slip and hit your head

who is he
the one that now sleeps beside me in bed
do you know him

in photos he doesn't look the same
same face but covered in shame

who are you
what did you do
what makes you feel this way

what happened
is it going to be okay
we'll see tomorrow morning

doctor! doctor!
give me more meds

please oh please
give me something to take this pain away
fix him

this will only take a second
at first you will feel a sharp pain
you'll feel like your dead

but in a few weeks
you'll be good as new, almost the same

no, no, no doctor, please don't take him away
let me hold him
at least just one more time

I'm sorry dear, but he is cold
Now his soul is to rest
His heart has stopped beating

You're young
you'll be okay

Down the Drain

It's hard to wake up every day
Looking to my right
It's all so empty
From one day to the next

I have to push it
Slowly getting up
Washing the tears from my face
The sink fills with water and it all goes down the drain

If only the ache would go away
If only I could sit still and blame someone else for my mistakes
If only I could find the girl I use to be
Just to pretend that this ugly girl wasn't me
Just so that I could be the stronger me

Some days I just want to rip out the broke pieces of me
Erase the memories from my mind,
Just make myself forget every thing that once made all of this so great
Just so that I wouldn't laugh and smile

I've been holding back my tears
Concealing my fears
Just for them to creep back into me when my guard is down
I wish I could just let the water run down the drain

For now, like before, I'll play pretend


_Nothing makes nonsense_

sometimes

there are nights when I cannot concentrate
there are mornings that I dont want to wake up
I would just like to stay in my bed, eyes closed
and lay mindlessly, and not worry

I would like to relax and give my heart a break
To have one day, one day where everything could just be okay
So much in such a little time has changed

And I feel like I constantly say this
And I feel like I want to be
The girl that I use to be
So innocent and naive

I would like to play in the dirt
And color outside the lines
And have my daddy tuck me in to sleep

And I feel that I don't tell enough people how I feel
And there are those days that I am surrounded by people
But my heart feels so empty, and
I feel like I am truly alone

I would like to have someone to hug me
To tell me that every thing will be alright
Someone to wish me a good night

Sometimes I just wonder what is the reasoning behind it all
What is the purpose of this path I walk
The concept of an unknown destination
The search of finding someone, just so that you dont travel alone

I would like to just go home
To escape this reality
To pretend that this present was merely a dream

Sometimes I'd like to be that five year old girl
The one that accidentally put gum in her hair
The little girl with the constant smile on her face

and come to think about it

some of the things that I did were unnecessary
and i know that i drove you away

im still driving
down and around
my unknown destination

passenger seat empty
my music blaring loudly in my ears
I scream
laughter
tears

sometimes I wish someone would hold my hand
like you use to

I wish someone would laugh at my colorful nails and call me unique

we never knew where we were going
and we never cared to plan

yet we always got to where we needed to be

next to each other

story of my life

there are nights, nights like these, a night like this one
when i want to sit down and write, write stories that would go down in history
tales of time and despair, heartache, heartbreak
There are a million pictures that i look at, filled with millions of words that i could write
The meanings of smiles, and places, a majestic time and land
A little girl's dreams that faded into the past

but on these same nights i am afraid
i am afraid of the words that will come alive on the page, this screen
and those that will read and interpret, misinterpret and confuse
confuse my intentions, the people that i write about

on nights like these, i wish the people in my writing didn't have faces, names, nor histories
i want them to all just be a big blur of memories
for i remember the good times that we had, and i cherish those the most you know
on nights like these, i wish i could write about the feel, the touch, the scent, the rush
that it all use to have, the excitement that goes through the body as you are about to
embark on an new adventure, to discover a hidden secret, or just to even share a moment for two

on nights like these i would like to take a drive, a drive down memory lane
down no particular path or place, no destination, i would just like my mind to wander
to write down the thoughts in my mind, blur the words and rhymes
to find peace of mind, who cares about time and space,
take me to the unknown, an unknown destination

our secret spot, where no one would find us and no one would care to look anyway

Summer before Senior Year

three years have past me by
it's been a wonderful experience
and I have enjoyed every moment
the good and the bad

i am scared for what life has in store for me
but that is the purpose of this blog
this journey is an unknown destination
i follow a path, awaiting what i will discover