(Intro/Me)
I’m a pretty driven girl, I take chances, I like taking risks
I’m always up for a challenge…
Some days I wonder what keeps me going…
What fuels my engine?
Because there are days that I just want to quit
I want to give it all up
You know pull over and walk in the opposite direction
But when I look back at my options, it was my only way out
UCSB.
What a ride it has been,
A bumpy one, but an interesting one
Every time I start forget
I take a five hour drive, North
Then at 123 miles I turn right
I drive into the valley, the San Joaquin Valley
Until I hit 300 and I’m surrounded by orchards and the smell of animals
(Scrunches face)
Chickens and cows, oh the beautiful smells that I left behind
I finally arrive to my little hometown
The first day always seems so wonderful
I’m greeted by my parents
I see my brother and my sister and my beautiful nieces
Everything seems so perfect and sugar coated…
(Pause)
Then I remember why I left….
(Walk to left pretend that you are opening the door, searching for your key. You open the door; you walk in look up, see your mom waiting on the couch)
Oh Hi mom!
(Mother sitting on the couch, looks at watch)
Burra, siempre andando por las calles de casera
Ya me imagino como debes de adar aya (gets up and points)
Toda loca y nadie para disirte que no (waves hand in no gesture)
[Translation: Always on the streets, I can just imagine how you must be out there and no one to tell you no]
(pause)
(Me)
[aside]
It’s like she is broken record every time that I come back home
Es la misma critica [she makes the same critiques]
(walk back and talk to mother)
Mom I was at grandma’s house hanging out with Susy and Lalo
(Mother)
We should have done what your father said all along
What was wrong with Stan State?
Your cousin goes there…
Your Brother went there…
Why couldn’t you go to Davis it’s closer?
(Me)
Mom, Why are you always comparing me to other people?
Why do you want me to do what they did?
What do you want me to compare you to my tia Rosa?
(Mother)
No, todos mis hijos son del mismo hombre,
A mi me ves en las calles como puta?
[No, all my children are from the same man, do you see me on the streets acting like a slut]
(Me)
Chill mom, you are the one that started it.
(Mother)
No me estas echando nada encara
Y que haces aca tu abuelita’s tan tarde
[Don’t try to throw things in my face, what were you doing so late at your grandma’s house?]
(Me)
I was just talking to Susy.
(Mother)
Hay andale, se te va pegar lo lesbiano
Si, ya no se te pego
[Watch out you are going to become a lesbian, that’s if you aren’t already]
(Me)
You don’t catch that,
Because if we did then we would of all caught it along time ago from Hector.
(Mother)
Ya callate malcriada, vete a leer tus libros
I dont know what they are teaching you in your pinche escuela
No tienes novio, estas igual de gorda, siempre con tus amigos
Aquien se le ocure andar con tantos hombres, y nuino es tu novio
Ya casate, yo a tu edad ya tenia dos hijos, y tu que tienes nada...
I should be comparing you to your tia Rosa.
[Shut up, go read. You don’t have a boyfriend, you’re fat, always with you friends, who does that? Get married already, at your age I had two kids, you have nothing.]
(Me)
Mom, you lived in Mexico at my age.
Things are a lot different now
(Mother as she walks off stage)
Ay Dios que hise para tener hijos tan malquirados
[oh God what did I do to have such horrible kids]
(I walk back on stage)
Me and my mom fight a lot
I really hate it
I can’t live with her more than one day
In high school it was a lot worse.
I was always under house arrest
According to my mother
A girl of my age should at least have a boyfriend if not married,
And she shouldn’t be this fat unless she is pregnant
Oh god if and when I have kids, then she might finally be happy.
She would always find me in my room reading, writing or listening to music
The kids in my neighborhood were not my style
So once I turned eight I stopped trying to get along with them and kept to myself
I live to read and to write.
Music is my drug
And School was my only excuse to leave the house.
Any club, any extra curricular activity you can think of,
I was there.
Anything to get away from her and out of the house.
I know and I respect that my mother has been through a lot in her life.
From domestic abuse to depression, she’s seen and experience so much
But this isn’t about her, this is about me and
How she’s defined everything that I do and don’t want to be.
(Drops arms and head)
(Mother, look up, turns, smiles, extends arms)
Mija, let me make you
Some fresh tortillas.
(Shocked face, hands to face)
You don’t eat tortillas?
Everyone eats tortillas.
Not everyone eats torillas…
Then what the hell do they eat?
(Me)
When I was a little girl my mom taught me how to make tortillas
You get a large Tupperware bowl, and
it had to be Tupperware because she was a Tupperware lady
All you need is two cups of masa, you know Maseca,
and one cup of water, and one teaspoon of salt
Then mix it with your hands.
Once you are done then you take a palm full and roll it into a little ball
You place it in the tortillera and smash it
And then onto the comal, and you have your own home made tortillas
And she would end the session with the words….
You’re husband will love these (tilt face and smile)
(Me)
It never occurred to me that playing house with my mother
Was actually her training me to be a housewife.
The Latina woman,
submissive, obedient, passive,
Living in a dichotomy in which you are either a virgin or the macho’s whore.
Surround by tradition, religion and cultura in a modern day world
My mother, your mother, her grandmother, our cook, our maid, her own children’s slave
The Latina woman, jungles work and family, leaving no time for play
She has too many thoughts running through her mind
Much of which is often left unsaid
Supressed through triple oppression
she is of color, assumed to be poor and she is a woman so
She has no voice, no right; she stays silent
The Latina woman, living on this land once known as the New World
A place called Nepatlan, a place where you are often caught in between
Speaking multiple languages
Understanding and practicing two cultures,
Just so that some how she behaves according to societal norms
The Latina woman, more like Superwoman to me
Although to common folk she is just other brown face doing domestic chores
The Latina woman
(Me)
Me, sure I love to cook; but I love to eat more…
I hate cleaning and I put off my laundry for three weeks straight if I can
I like poetry, I like writing, and I like to pretend that I’m somebody else
I refer to myself in third person when I write my stories
I can be an odd-ball, although I prefer being called unique
Living five hours away from home
I was able to discover a different side of me
The out-going, loud mouth
My sensuality, my independence
My own voice
I am proud to say that I am a Chicana
Not a virgin, but certainly not a whore
I speak Spanish and English
Although I could use some work on either or
I drive a tore up Honda, y se que
No soy nada yo not tengo vanidad
De mi vida doy lo bueno
Soy tan pobre que otra cosa puedo dar
I work hard, but play harder
I love my boleros and corridos but
I also listen to Classic Rock, I love the Beatles
You say you want a Revolution,
Well you know, we all want to change the world,
I like my Pop, because Lady Madonna
Reassured me that being materialistic is fine
And if a boy doesn’t give me proper credit I can simply walk away.
I am not submissive, I am not obedient and I am not passive
No one can judge me for the things that I do.
I’m going to practice the traditions that I like
I’m proud of my heritage
And I know that I will not practice every tradition and no one will force me to
I am Chicana, acculturated, not to be confused with assimilated
As I have taken pieces of my culturas to make one of my own
I am a mescal, mestisa, or Mejicana if you are a bit slow…
I am American, not white nor blonde…just a little bit bold
No wait I am neither, but I am both
I am Chicana, driven, fueled, passionate
You know what MOM,
I have my own voice. My words will not be left unsaid.
People are going to listen, I will be understood.
And it’s okay if is not by you.
I am going to change this New-Old-Fashioned World
For your grandmother, you mother, my mother
For You
I am driven, passionate, and fueled.
some thoughts
She tries to escape from her own being
But constantly she comes back haunting her.
She hungers for the written word;
Masked her most well-defined art through other mediums
The stroke of a paint brush
The click of the camera
And a bit of graphic design
They do not suffice her hunger
The passion she carries in her heart pushes her to write
Rough on the edges
She writes about the injustice of today
And of course of her own heart aches
No one understands her, and
She constantly feels alone in this great big world.
At times arrogant and rude;
She knows that those are the tactics to push forward
There is no such thing as LOVE
As much as we’d like to believe in it
In reality there is no such thing
It does not conquer all
It conquers the weak
The weak hide; at times become bitter
The bitter claim to never have fallen
But they lie as they fell and never rose
We confuse love for the need and comfort
Of a body to rub up against
Late at night or whenever we feel like.
We do not care about other beings but ourselves
We are individualistic
No one cares about our feelings so we don’t care about theirs
Why take the time to appreciate another being?
Maybe show a bit of gratitude.
Would it really kill us?
Is it powerful enough?
Like love can it conquer you?
Once again she feels like another face in the crowd.
You left her entirely about a week ago, and
Since then not one valid ‘iloveyou’
Merely a body to rub up against
Wake up, walk away, see you later,
Come back late at night, sleep
Right after a forced kiss and a wishful good night
For the next twenty minutes she tosses and turns
At the disgust of what they have become.
Almost empty now, counting down the days.
But constantly she comes back haunting her.
She hungers for the written word;
Masked her most well-defined art through other mediums
The stroke of a paint brush
The click of the camera
And a bit of graphic design
They do not suffice her hunger
The passion she carries in her heart pushes her to write
Rough on the edges
She writes about the injustice of today
And of course of her own heart aches
No one understands her, and
She constantly feels alone in this great big world.
At times arrogant and rude;
She knows that those are the tactics to push forward
There is no such thing as LOVE
As much as we’d like to believe in it
In reality there is no such thing
It does not conquer all
It conquers the weak
The weak hide; at times become bitter
The bitter claim to never have fallen
But they lie as they fell and never rose
We confuse love for the need and comfort
Of a body to rub up against
Late at night or whenever we feel like.
We do not care about other beings but ourselves
We are individualistic
No one cares about our feelings so we don’t care about theirs
Why take the time to appreciate another being?
Maybe show a bit of gratitude.
Would it really kill us?
Is it powerful enough?
Like love can it conquer you?
Once again she feels like another face in the crowd.
You left her entirely about a week ago, and
Since then not one valid ‘iloveyou’
Merely a body to rub up against
Wake up, walk away, see you later,
Come back late at night, sleep
Right after a forced kiss and a wishful good night
For the next twenty minutes she tosses and turns
At the disgust of what they have become.
Almost empty now, counting down the days.
back to the writing board
so lately i've been drawing more than writing, it seems to calm my nerves more these days, and i've become so fearful of writing lately, i guess it is because i know that my unconscious thoughts come out when i write, or at least those thoughts that I choose to suppress. I felt like writing this down so i at least have an explanation as to why writing is missing for this period of my life. I think it is also because I believe that I am not a good writer anymore. Until later...
another conversation between me and my consciousness
are you sure you want this?
no, not any more
then why are you acting like you do?
to be honest i'm not sure
I like to act on impulse
that's not always the best thing to do you know?
yes, i know. sometimes you've just got to let everything go.
what do you mean? i think that it makes you seem carelessly
i am careless, and i like to be worry free
i dont need problems, im sure that i already have plenty
so what is it that you want now
i told you already i dont know
it's silly to play games with your own heart
im in control
that's what you think, this is just a cycle, soon you'll see
you'll come back here crying, trust me
I've learned from my mistakes, i promise i wont let myself get too deep
you say that now, im warning you honey
figure out what you want
no i dont have to and you cant make me
what is it that you want?
i told you that i dont know
deep down i think you do know
no, not any more
then why are you acting like you do?
to be honest i'm not sure
I like to act on impulse
that's not always the best thing to do you know?
yes, i know. sometimes you've just got to let everything go.
what do you mean? i think that it makes you seem carelessly
i am careless, and i like to be worry free
i dont need problems, im sure that i already have plenty
so what is it that you want now
i told you already i dont know
it's silly to play games with your own heart
im in control
that's what you think, this is just a cycle, soon you'll see
you'll come back here crying, trust me
I've learned from my mistakes, i promise i wont let myself get too deep
you say that now, im warning you honey
figure out what you want
no i dont have to and you cant make me
what is it that you want?
i told you that i dont know
deep down i think you do know
two strangers
silly how some things happen to fall into place
or it may be that they had been misplaced
like two strangers watching movies on a late friday night
cuddling close, fingers intertwined
as if they've been lovers in previous lifetimes
perfectly comfortable in each other's company
candles lit, soft music plays
all alone, with locked doors
wine glasses filled to the rim
it'll mean nothing,
he has no intention of getting emotionally involved
she heals from a broken heart
its a game we all play
cold-heart as he has always portrayed himself to be
he feeds his own ego as he knows she needs him desperately
human nature, to get yours
as he gets his
pretend as though he loves you
look deep and past his eyes
take in his kisses and savor every last bite
what have you been pretending
to be what we aren't
what will never be
to have such emotion embedded inside of me
because when she kisses you
she kisses you so passionately
and when she loves you
she loves only you and gives herself completely
like two strangers everytime we meet
nestled in each others arms
she indulges in your embrace and shutters at having to part ways
for we only have this last night
as we say hello, simply to say goodbye again
or it may be that they had been misplaced
like two strangers watching movies on a late friday night
cuddling close, fingers intertwined
as if they've been lovers in previous lifetimes
perfectly comfortable in each other's company
candles lit, soft music plays
all alone, with locked doors
wine glasses filled to the rim
it'll mean nothing,
he has no intention of getting emotionally involved
she heals from a broken heart
its a game we all play
cold-heart as he has always portrayed himself to be
he feeds his own ego as he knows she needs him desperately
human nature, to get yours
as he gets his
pretend as though he loves you
look deep and past his eyes
take in his kisses and savor every last bite
what have you been pretending
to be what we aren't
what will never be
to have such emotion embedded inside of me
because when she kisses you
she kisses you so passionately
and when she loves you
she loves only you and gives herself completely
like two strangers everytime we meet
nestled in each others arms
she indulges in your embrace and shutters at having to part ways
for we only have this last night
as we say hello, simply to say goodbye again
to be continued...
and i created the perfect being
I convinced myself that it was all real, i played make-believe
you are perfect, perfect for me
but im sitting here aching
aggravated and frustrated
im about to loose all that i thought was mine
after all these years, it'll come to an end
i'll be left alone, broken, these thoughts dont seem to go away
i'll play my records, listen to all your songs
as they became my songs, words softly spoken,
all along i thought you knew
but those lyrics never meant anything to you
and we really dont know each other like i thought we use to
we are really opposites and were bound to fight
and i'll burst and you'll remain composed
with a stern look upon you face
emotionless, expressionless, with nothing to say
you'll agree with my decision and simply walk away
su regreso
y aun ella fue el amor que se te escapo
se fue sin dar te una explicacion
nunca entendi el amor ni la passion entre los dos
solo se que te dejo en pedasos, decepcionado, y sin compasion
i cant say that im too sure
because i am not
and i am fearful that i will never fill her spot
and something tells me that your heart wants more
im unable to give
if your unable to receive
and i cant give you all of me
when i dont think you even want any part of me
and its crazy to believe that i wanted this so much
only to relive the hurt and neglect
it makes my stomach turn
and i get this feeling that i cant explain
you're not there anymore
you're not a phone call away
you're not
si yo regreso, todo esto cambiaria
si ella regresaria
creo que todo lo que fue nosotros lo dejarias
en el pasado, en el fondo de mi corazon, en mi mente
y ella se sienta en las lluvias de abril
esperando su principe
if he were to see her crying
it would not be a surprise
this wasnt gonna be easy
and it just gets harder as the days go by
layer upon layer
the problems just grow everyday
and all that silence she reads about and exclaims
she's caught up in it
because she's okay with not saying a word
su regreso, quizas un dia
se fue sin dar te una explicacion
nunca entendi el amor ni la passion entre los dos
solo se que te dejo en pedasos, decepcionado, y sin compasion
i cant say that im too sure
because i am not
and i am fearful that i will never fill her spot
and something tells me that your heart wants more
im unable to give
if your unable to receive
and i cant give you all of me
when i dont think you even want any part of me
and its crazy to believe that i wanted this so much
only to relive the hurt and neglect
it makes my stomach turn
and i get this feeling that i cant explain
you're not there anymore
you're not a phone call away
you're not
si yo regreso, todo esto cambiaria
si ella regresaria
creo que todo lo que fue nosotros lo dejarias
en el pasado, en el fondo de mi corazon, en mi mente
y ella se sienta en las lluvias de abril
esperando su principe
if he were to see her crying
it would not be a surprise
this wasnt gonna be easy
and it just gets harder as the days go by
layer upon layer
the problems just grow everyday
and all that silence she reads about and exclaims
she's caught up in it
because she's okay with not saying a word
su regreso, quizas un dia
lost
its early, or wait, is it that it is too late
as she sits in a flooded crowd
surrounded by faces
may be they'll understand her ache
she doubts herself, but more so she doubts all of them
she's lost and she can't seem to find her place
and now she knows that she is fading into the background
and to think that she was once such a prominent face
walking slowly at a steady pace
headphones plugged in
volume turned up full blast
another sad song plays
she sits along shore
contemplating whether she should stay or should she go
its to hard to start brand new in the same place
thats the very reason she left
as she sits in a flooded crowd
surrounded by faces
may be they'll understand her ache
she doubts herself, but more so she doubts all of them
she's lost and she can't seem to find her place
and now she knows that she is fading into the background
and to think that she was once such a prominent face
walking slowly at a steady pace
headphones plugged in
volume turned up full blast
another sad song plays
she sits along shore
contemplating whether she should stay or should she go
its to hard to start brand new in the same place
thats the very reason she left
come site next to me
come here, sit with me
lend me your ear
i'll hold your hand
i'll shield you from the cold (i'll be your warmth)
we'll sit here, and do nothing
but you know everything is okay
more than just okay
it's perfect
come here, just look at me
I can't remember when was the last time
I just couldn't wipe this smile off my face
I needed you next to me
My eyes widen as that smile of yours emerges on your face
Your about to laugh, with this beautiful grin upon your face
I had been missing it since the day I first left
come sit with me
we'll sit and do nothing all day
don't worry we'll be more than okay
we're perfect
just come sit next to me
lend me your ear
i'll hold your hand
i'll shield you from the cold (i'll be your warmth)
we'll sit here, and do nothing
but you know everything is okay
more than just okay
it's perfect
come here, just look at me
I can't remember when was the last time
I just couldn't wipe this smile off my face
I needed you next to me
My eyes widen as that smile of yours emerges on your face
Your about to laugh, with this beautiful grin upon your face
I had been missing it since the day I first left
come sit with me
we'll sit and do nothing all day
don't worry we'll be more than okay
we're perfect
just come sit next to me
no vale la pena
no vale la pena,
y se que ni debo de empezar,
pero no tengo de otra,
y siento que no puedo respirar
no importa mucho pero debes de eschuchar mis mil palabras
aun que no lo entenderas
yo ni lo puendo entender
me estoy volviendo loca
en verdad no me haces falta
y supongo que yo no te hago falta tambien
pero me siento aqui y empiezo a pensar
estoy feliz, pero yo se que te deje en pedasos
en realidad me siento terrible
y empiezo a llorar
nada de esto fue mi intencion
estaba enojadad
si podria no romperia nuestra amistad
pero eso sera mi grand falla
quisas un dia nos encontraremos
y tal vez hablar, hasta ese dia
hasta luego
y se que ni debo de empezar,
pero no tengo de otra,
y siento que no puedo respirar
no importa mucho pero debes de eschuchar mis mil palabras
aun que no lo entenderas
yo ni lo puendo entender
me estoy volviendo loca
en verdad no me haces falta
y supongo que yo no te hago falta tambien
pero me siento aqui y empiezo a pensar
estoy feliz, pero yo se que te deje en pedasos
en realidad me siento terrible
y empiezo a llorar
nada de esto fue mi intencion
estaba enojadad
si podria no romperia nuestra amistad
pero eso sera mi grand falla
quisas un dia nos encontraremos
y tal vez hablar, hasta ese dia
hasta luego
hello stranger
I looked into those eyes about a year ago
And I was afraid that all those memories once made would fade
I hugged you close
I feared that you'd slip away if I let go
I let it go
I walked away
Nearly half empty and half awake
I dont remember when it happened
There's just somethings no one can change
There are those people that never really meant to stay
And those that won't let you get away
My hands gripped and held on tight
The ground beneath me rattled
I stumbled, I tripped, I fell
Looking up above me
There our eyes met again
It seems as though its been a mighty long time
But now I'm glad that you are all mine
And as I now look into those eyes
I'm glad you aren't just another face in the crowd
no, no. no he's no stranger
he's my baby, he's all mine
and I'm glad to see him back again
And I was afraid that all those memories once made would fade
I hugged you close
I feared that you'd slip away if I let go
I let it go
I walked away
Nearly half empty and half awake
I dont remember when it happened
There's just somethings no one can change
There are those people that never really meant to stay
And those that won't let you get away
My hands gripped and held on tight
The ground beneath me rattled
I stumbled, I tripped, I fell
Looking up above me
There our eyes met again
It seems as though its been a mighty long time
But now I'm glad that you are all mine
And as I now look into those eyes
I'm glad you aren't just another face in the crowd
no, no. no he's no stranger
he's my baby, he's all mine
and I'm glad to see him back again
hoy
and when I woke up today
it felt slightly different than yesterday
I got in my car and drove, wishing I could just drive away
with no destination, I found myself at a park
just like the ones that we have at home
only a little different
because home isn't home anymore
and as much as I want this to feel like home
it's not home
not so much anymore
it began to rain
when I woke up today, I wished things would have turned out differently
but the clouds came into play
the rain came pouring down, it's not the same
I drove around looking for a familiar place
I searched for a welcoming face
but it's just not the same as it use to be
and as of right now I'm feeling pretty empty
I can't help but want to give up
as much I hate to admit it
I need to break away
Sometimes I wish I kept my mouth closed
and that it hadn't been me
I wished that I hadn't made such a mess
I wanted to keep driving
I wanted to erase it all from my memory
I wish I would have walked away from it when it all began
That way I could have saved the friendship that I ruined
I wished I wouldn't have been the one to break your heart
We should have just stayed friends
I should have just walked away
I shouldn't have said things that I said
Because a girl sometimes needs friends to help her push until the end
and I know I'm selfish
and I never stopped loving him and I never will
He makes me the happiest girl in the world
I should have walked away
and waited just a little longer for my heart to mend
I tore yours in two
But I promise I didn't mean to
and things now are just not the same
and if I could I'd choose to remain friends
Things never turn out the way they are planned
I trusted you with everything
all of my feelings, thoughts, and mine and his memories
may be I drove you to that place of envy
and I wish you would have never tried to replace him
and I wish there was no such thing as jealousy
May be I shouldn't have said so much
I shouldn't have opened up
I shouldn't have ever let you believe that you could have my heart
When I had already given it away
and the tears keep on rolling down from my eyes
I know I lost one of my most trusted friends
and I know that it was my loss and that you are better off
I'm happy for you
no puedo enchuchar tu musica si llorar
y no puedo decir tu nombre sin pensar que te rompi el corazon
tick tock tick tock
...tick tock...tick tock...tick tock
another second, it'll turn into an hour
around the clock and the sun is down
I won't be gone too long, I promise
time is passing
and the time we wasted we can never regain
time is passing me
another day closer to seeing you
I'm beginning to forget the lines on your face
I'll be home soon, I promise
Just remind me what I'm fighting for before I begin to forget
another second, it's turning into hours and hours become days
It's been over two weeks now,
my only comfort is your voice before I go to bed
these weeks will turn into months, and there will be no more yesterdays
tick tock...tick tock...tick tock
sometimes I look at my clock and wish it were dead
sometimes I wonder how often I run through your head
and when I sleep at night I reach over and find all this space
another night has gone without you
and in the morning I lie in bed
I struggle to get up and get going
I pull myself for a few hours until they turn into another day
the sun is setting today is tomorrow's yesterday
it'll be another week soon
I'll see you soon
I promise
she's been gone a long time
the photographs hang on these walls
the memories written on blogs
she's been gone for a long time
where did she go
why did she suddenly disappear
what happened to her, why so many tears
lately she's been sad
not really herself
she's looked in the mirror and found herself misplaced
what had happened to her gorgeously brown eyes
where was her smile
the glow to her face
she hasnt been herself lately
its mighty strange
i thought she was gone for good
its been a long time since i last heard her laugh
its been a good while since she spent time with her friends
im glad to see her back again
its time to be myself again
lets take photos and call them memories
lets sleep all day
she was gone too long, shes back
the memories written on blogs
she's been gone for a long time
where did she go
why did she suddenly disappear
what happened to her, why so many tears
lately she's been sad
not really herself
she's looked in the mirror and found herself misplaced
what had happened to her gorgeously brown eyes
where was her smile
the glow to her face
she hasnt been herself lately
its mighty strange
i thought she was gone for good
its been a long time since i last heard her laugh
its been a good while since she spent time with her friends
im glad to see her back again
its time to be myself again
lets take photos and call them memories
lets sleep all day
she was gone too long, shes back
bursting
She couldn’t take it any more and so she began to burst
with passion, emotion, and the overflowing thoughts in her mind
she told herself that she would follow her heart
she really never intended to hurt any one
and she knows that along the way she has hurt many
stepped on a few and kept walking because that is what she was taught to do
and yes she knows that none of this makes any of what she has done right
so with that being said, none of this is meant to hurt any one
it is merely a reflection of a long and hard winter
she came with a broken heart
hoping to start fresh, with a clean slate
she didn’t intend to make many friends
and surely along the way, the relationships that were quickly created
were bound to break, no one knew her
and she knew no one
then there were six
three and three it was perfect...
she was unhappy
slowly we all began to break away
and now no one speaks
and she knows she began this mess
as usual she chose to ran away
isolated herself
only to tare herself apart
what they all have said has been right all along
she is manipulative, she plots evil
and its her way or no way
she hurt you and she hurt me
unaware as she claims it to be
she hurts, and she hurts constantly
its not the same anymore
no one comes around to say hello
so she constantly reevaluates those that do remain
the silence is killing her slowly
all these years she has spoken but never really said anything
is it her fault that she cannot gather the words verbally
so she sits here and writes about herself in third person
in hopes that someone will read and understand that which she calls her medium
does she really speak nonsense?
people loose their binds
and we become ungrateful of what we did have
and we forget to cherish those that we call dear to our heart
no one writes anymore
people are left forgotten
and she constantly sits in front of this screen hitting refresh
heartbreaker
she’s short, with dark hair and dark eyes
but there must be something about those eyes, right?
may be it’s her lips...I’m not too certain
is it the strength that shows
is it the words she writes
now tell me what is it about her?
she constantly turned you down
constantly said no, because she wasn’t into you
she is a heartbreaker
the type of girl that some how makes you cry
when you think you finally won her over
you realize that her heart has been misplaced this whole time
she’s a heartbreaker I tell you
she broke my heart a long time ago
and I look at her every morning
and at the end of each day
disgusted at the many things she’s done and said
I’m not too sure if she means everything that she says
most is spoken out of anger and rage
irrationally, she chooses to remain vague and extremely vain
she’s a heartbreaker, be fore-warned and stay away
but there must be something about those eyes, right?
may be it’s her lips...I’m not too certain
is it the strength that shows
is it the words she writes
now tell me what is it about her?
she constantly turned you down
constantly said no, because she wasn’t into you
she is a heartbreaker
the type of girl that some how makes you cry
when you think you finally won her over
you realize that her heart has been misplaced this whole time
she’s a heartbreaker I tell you
she broke my heart a long time ago
and I look at her every morning
and at the end of each day
disgusted at the many things she’s done and said
I’m not too sure if she means everything that she says
most is spoken out of anger and rage
irrationally, she chooses to remain vague and extremely vain
she’s a heartbreaker, be fore-warned and stay away
everything is falling apart
and all that i ever dreamed for is finally finding its way down the drain
i dont know nor do i understand the reflection staring back at me
what caused me to take such risks
i dont comprehend what is it that i am suppose to be doing
i see the lesson, i understand that you’ve got to suffer a little to get far
i hurt, i hurt you, and i hurt them
i’m tired of pointing fingers
and i’m tired of seeing pictures
and i wish that i could vanish, and be simply forgotten
and that i was never apart of some people’s lives
i’m just another bad memory
and you are the sword that has been taken to my back
so my bubble has been popped
and i’m not as innocent as i seem
i’m that monster that i often describe
she’s vicious, evil, plotting, vindictive
she’s not even as pretty as she use to be
and i dont even understand what is so charming about her
her world is completely shattered
and soon enough she’ll be able to run home to the familiar
but nothing there remains as it use to be
but as long as she is able to crawl into her own bed and cry herself to sleep
she’ll be fine, her parents dont fight anymore
and the siblings are all grown up now
her only problem is her own reality
and for whatever reason it may be
the little world that was so perfect and sheltered
it has shattered, and to all of you that wished for it for so long
congratulations, she’s dead...you’ve been granted your wish
you’ve killed her spirit, confidence, and now all that remains
is another face in the crowd
another lost soul trying to make sense of life
one day at a time
i pray that the gorgeously, amazing, awesomely intelligent woman will be back again
until then she hold back her tears, her verbal words, and walk with a smile on her face
she’ll be back one day
i dont know nor do i understand the reflection staring back at me
what caused me to take such risks
i dont comprehend what is it that i am suppose to be doing
i see the lesson, i understand that you’ve got to suffer a little to get far
i hurt, i hurt you, and i hurt them
i’m tired of pointing fingers
and i’m tired of seeing pictures
and i wish that i could vanish, and be simply forgotten
and that i was never apart of some people’s lives
i’m just another bad memory
and you are the sword that has been taken to my back
so my bubble has been popped
and i’m not as innocent as i seem
i’m that monster that i often describe
she’s vicious, evil, plotting, vindictive
she’s not even as pretty as she use to be
and i dont even understand what is so charming about her
her world is completely shattered
and soon enough she’ll be able to run home to the familiar
but nothing there remains as it use to be
but as long as she is able to crawl into her own bed and cry herself to sleep
she’ll be fine, her parents dont fight anymore
and the siblings are all grown up now
her only problem is her own reality
and for whatever reason it may be
the little world that was so perfect and sheltered
it has shattered, and to all of you that wished for it for so long
congratulations, she’s dead...you’ve been granted your wish
you’ve killed her spirit, confidence, and now all that remains
is another face in the crowd
another lost soul trying to make sense of life
one day at a time
i pray that the gorgeously, amazing, awesomely intelligent woman will be back again
until then she hold back her tears, her verbal words, and walk with a smile on her face
she’ll be back one day
untitled 040408
and another year will dawn upon us soon
your life has been quite an adventure
along the road there’s been many twists and turns
wrongs and rights
a dark tunnel, a glimpse of light
be optimistic, you’ll be fine
a year older, a year wiser
your experiences have only made you stronger
you’ve learned that excuses misguide
and that all the lies
only cause tears and fights
April showers cleanse away a heavy heart that on your shoulders rests
the hostility surrounds you
you now you can bare the dirty looks
you’ll be okay
every one makes mistakes
its what you do there after that defines
the real woman you are
the one that never gives up for what she dreams
the one that is determined to accomplish and succeed
for that you don’t need anybody
no one but yourself, your blood, and your heart
your life has been quite an adventure
along the road there’s been many twists and turns
wrongs and rights
a dark tunnel, a glimpse of light
be optimistic, you’ll be fine
a year older, a year wiser
your experiences have only made you stronger
you’ve learned that excuses misguide
and that all the lies
only cause tears and fights
April showers cleanse away a heavy heart that on your shoulders rests
the hostility surrounds you
you now you can bare the dirty looks
you’ll be okay
every one makes mistakes
its what you do there after that defines
the real woman you are
the one that never gives up for what she dreams
the one that is determined to accomplish and succeed
for that you don’t need anybody
no one but yourself, your blood, and your heart
She
she’s so afraid
so afraid of everything
doesnt want to paint because she’s afraid of color
lately she sees everything in black in white
she refuses to write
because she knows you read
and doesnt want to hurt any one any more
because her truths arent pretty
she is dramatic
because she has no idea what goes on in that mind of yours
and she cant even connect the words you say with your eyes
and half the time she cant hear your voice
she is slipping away
loosing grip, and all this time she’s been holding on tight
and she wants to go back to your little secret spot
and hold you hostage there throughout the night
she wants more time
because the time we did have she threw away
and now she sits here and she just waits
she really cant concentrate
she feels a little crazy sometimes
we are too far away
and every one tells her that its impossible and it wont work
but her whole heart is yours
you know she loves you with every thing she’s got
and through it all she always defended you
and stuck on your side
though you make her so angry, most of the time
with your one worded response
and she knows that if she could she’s do anything to put a smile on your face
and she would make it so that you werent tired from such long days
and you make her oh so crazy
in good and bad ways
but you must remember, you’ve got to let her know
let her know that you think of her constantly
let her know that every thing will be okay....please
so afraid of everything
doesnt want to paint because she’s afraid of color
lately she sees everything in black in white
she refuses to write
because she knows you read
and doesnt want to hurt any one any more
because her truths arent pretty
she is dramatic
because she has no idea what goes on in that mind of yours
and she cant even connect the words you say with your eyes
and half the time she cant hear your voice
she is slipping away
loosing grip, and all this time she’s been holding on tight
and she wants to go back to your little secret spot
and hold you hostage there throughout the night
she wants more time
because the time we did have she threw away
and now she sits here and she just waits
she really cant concentrate
she feels a little crazy sometimes
we are too far away
and every one tells her that its impossible and it wont work
but her whole heart is yours
you know she loves you with every thing she’s got
and through it all she always defended you
and stuck on your side
though you make her so angry, most of the time
with your one worded response
and she knows that if she could she’s do anything to put a smile on your face
and she would make it so that you werent tired from such long days
and you make her oh so crazy
in good and bad ways
but you must remember, you’ve got to let her know
let her know that you think of her constantly
let her know that every thing will be okay....please
Inspired By "here in my room" --incubus
This party is old and uninviting
Participants all in black and white
You enter in fullblown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight
If the world would fall apart
In a fiction worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing
Now that you're here
Yeah, love is a verb here in my room
Here in my room, here in my room
You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world as seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim a little
I'm weary about eyes upon my scars
Pink tractor beam into your incision
Head spinning as free as dervishs' whirl
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being that kind of girl
That kind of girl
And to him she was that kind of girl
For a mere chapter in the book of His Life
She was a simple verb
One that created a new state of mind
Full of vibrant color
And emotions that no one could quite define
She introduced him to a new way of thinking and living life
A life in which time was fluid
And she filled her heart with passion
And his motivation, his everything, she was his drive
She was that kind of girl
And she still is, but she chose to walk away
To run back to her past
Her heart rests and beats slowly
Sometimes angered, but all at once content
"We all can't get what we want, now can we?"
No, we can't and for most part she didn't get what she wanted
Not entirely
And as she sits here in her room
She wonders if she ever was that kind of girl
The one that he made her out to be
Participants all in black and white
You enter in fullblown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight
If the world would fall apart
In a fiction worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing
Now that you're here
Yeah, love is a verb here in my room
Here in my room, here in my room
You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world as seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim a little
I'm weary about eyes upon my scars
Pink tractor beam into your incision
Head spinning as free as dervishs' whirl
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being that kind of girl
That kind of girl
And to him she was that kind of girl
For a mere chapter in the book of His Life
She was a simple verb
One that created a new state of mind
Full of vibrant color
And emotions that no one could quite define
She introduced him to a new way of thinking and living life
A life in which time was fluid
And she filled her heart with passion
And his motivation, his everything, she was his drive
She was that kind of girl
And she still is, but she chose to walk away
To run back to her past
Her heart rests and beats slowly
Sometimes angered, but all at once content
"We all can't get what we want, now can we?"
No, we can't and for most part she didn't get what she wanted
Not entirely
And as she sits here in her room
She wonders if she ever was that kind of girl
The one that he made her out to be
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